Personal Growth

I used to think personal growth meant becoming someone better. Smarter. More disciplined. More successful. Just more. The kind of person who has their life figured out and doesn't struggle with the same problems anymore. I thought growth was about more… more skills, more knowledge, adding achievements until you become the person you're supposed to be.

But that's not what it is. True growth is more about forgetting.

What Personal Growth Actually Looks Like

It's not becoming more. It's becoming less performative. Less defensive. Less attached to the version of yourself you think you need to be. It's stripping away the layers of who you thought you had to be until you find who you are underneath. And that person? They're simpler than you think.

The Layers We Add

We spend our whole lives adding layers. Being successful. Being impressive. Earning respect. Showing strength and independence. Proving you’re someone who’s done the work.

Each layer is a way to hide the parts of ourselves we're afraid people won't accept. And we call it growth. We call it self-improvement. But really, it's just another layer of armor.

The Moment It Shifts

For me, the shift came when I realized that trying to be impressive was exhausting. I'd built this version of myself that looked good on paper: successful, interesting, life was looking figured out. But it didn’t feel like that on the inside,

Because I wasn't living, I was performing. Every decision was filtered through "what will people think?" instead of "is this what I want?" Personal growth didn't start when I added more achievements. It started when I realized that wasn’t getting me anywhere.

What You Learn When You Stop Performing

You learn that most of what you thought doesn't really matter. The things you thought made you worthy? They don't make you worthy. The person you were trying to become? Do you even like them? The approval you were seeking? Approval from who… it’s only you that matters, and chances are you won’t approve of whatever you became.

And once you stop performing, you start asking questions. Instead of "wow do I become successful?” you ask "what actually makes me happy?" Not "how do I impress?" but "what kind of life do I actually want?"

The Hard Part

Personal growth means sitting with the parts of yourself you've been running from: thee insecurity, the shame, the fear that I’m not enough. That’s the pattern, and it’s also exactly what needs to be faced.